Do you remember the first time you were sent off on your own, without a parent or even siblings? Maybe it was at a day care or preschool. For me it was kindergarten. It was a half-day session, and I had been assigned to the afternoon. All morning I wondered what would happen. What would we do? Who would be there? How would I know where to go?

Fortunately for me, my older sister was in the second grade. She had already been through this and survived. But it was still a big scary mystery. So many unknowns. I drove my mom crazy, bouncing around the house all morning. She was relieved when she could finally drop me off.

In the end, although I was excitedly terrified, I was put at ease quickly by other curious children and a kind-hearted teacher. When my mom came to get me again, I wasn’t ready to leave. And I couldn’t wait to go back.

I wonder what my experience would have been if my mom had been allowed to stay with me the whole time. Sure, knowing she would be there would have removed my fear, but it would have also removed my opportunity to grow in confidence. I may not have learned the same hard lessons about sharing or cleaning up after myself. And I may have been too distracted by her to make friends or try new things.

I’ve seen videos of a parent dropping a child off at day care. The child is screaming not to be left there. They reach for their mommy or daddy wailing in horror at the betrayal. This goes on until the parent leaves. Then the child calms down and assesses their situation. They realize there are some fun toys and other kids to play with. A game of duck, duck, goose gets going. Mommy and daddy are forgotten.

In the videos however, mommy and daddy haven’t actually left. They are simply out of view, behind a one-way mirror. They can see that their child is fine, having fun, and being cared for. It is then that they choose to actually leave.

I’ve always wondered why God chooses not to be visible to us. Why don’t we get the joy of being able to sense His presence. He says He is always here, but I can’t hear Him, see Him, or touch Him like I can a storm or a train or a rainbow or a tree.

Although God promises to always be with me, He has chosen not to be obvious about it. Maybe for the same reasons a parent doesn’t stick around the day care and my mom left me at kindergarten.

If God were obvious about His constant presence, I wouldn’t need faith. I wouldn’t need to take the time to read His word and contemplate how it relates to my life and situation. If He were just spouting off orders, I wouldn’t need to spend time learning about His character to know how to follow Him. I wouldn’t need to grow or try new things or explore with wonder the world He created. He’d just be there to answer everything. Which sounds nice in some ways, but it’s like having mommy at daycare. A bit stunting in the growth department.

Fortunately though, even though I can’t see Him, I believe God’s promises to always be with me.

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” (Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭2‬, NLT‬‬)

God is right here. But He’s behind His one-way mirror to allow me to grow. Sometimes those growth opportunities are very difficult. God allows some of them because He loves me. He wants me to grow strong in character and in my confidence in Him. I may get burned, but I won’t be burned up, soul and all. I may be swimming in rough waters, but I won’t drown into a bottomless abyss. And no matter what, He is right by my side with comfort, strength, and wisdom for the asking.

Dear God, I look forward to the day when I can see you face to face instead of like now – “through a glass, darkly.” Thank you for reminding me of your constant, loving presence even though I can’t see you. Protect me from the deep waters and raging fires of this broken world while I learn and grow through those experiences.