The life swapping trope is a popular one in the movies such as in “Freaky Friday”, “Family Switch”, “The Hot Chick”, and “Trading Places” (to name just a few). It’s popular because we all have at times felt misunderstood and under-appreciated in our lives. We think, if people knew what is really going on with me they would thank me more or cut me some slack or help me out.

In addition, we seem to think everyone else has it so much easier. We look around at other people and assume their lives are better.

The combination of this self-pity and envy has made the life-switch a fascinating experiment in comedy and sometimes horror.

In these movies, invariably the people involved end up learning that everything wasn’t as easy in the other person’s life as it seemed. By living in their body, they really get to know them and their unique challenges.

The thing is, I can get to know someone without life swapping with them. I just have to listen to them — really listen. And I have to spend time thinking about their needs and what it takes to need those needs. I can grow my empathy and understanding without having to trade places with them.

Jesus was the perfect example of this, although He actually did do a kind of life swap. He lived life as a mere human and experienced our challenges firsthand.

“He emptied himself by assuming the form of a servant, taking on the likeness of humanity. And when he had come as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death — even to death on a cross.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2‬:‭7‬-‭8‬ ‭CSB‬‬

Although I can’t switch lives with everyone, or anyone, I meet, I should try to understand them. How?

“Adopt the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus,”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2‬:‭5‬ ‭CSB‬‬

Jesus’s attitude was humility, putting the needs of others’ first. Swap their needs for mine.

Dear God,

Thank you for sending Jesus to earth so I can relate to Him. Thank you also for sending Him in my place to die — the ultimate life swap. Teach me how to have that same attitude of humility and sacrifice so that I can have compassion on those you put into my life. Forgive me for the self-pity and envy that I so often harbor instead.

I used to participate in a work-out program that the leader called “boot camp.” It could be strenuous, but it was only as hard as I made it: I was free to select a heavy weight or a light weight for each exercise; I could try hard or I could be more casual about it; I could make sure to be ready for the next exercise or I could move slowly, start late, and end early….

For the most part I worked hard. When I didn’t, the instructor was in my ear telling me I could lift a heavier weight or dig deeper or go harder. And everyone else in the class seemed to be motivated to work hard which spurred me on as well, either out of pride or embarrassment.

Then we moved away. At first I was relieved to be free of the routine of that twice weekly class. I figured I could work out doing the same things at the gym in my apartment building without the stress or expense.

But that didn’t happen. Although I wanted to stay fit, it was too easy to procrastinate. And when I did work out, I didn’t push myself the same way I would in a group.

I ended up losing steam and losing muscle. And shortly after our move, I hurt my knee by just stepping off a curb. I blame my lack of fitness. And my inability to motivate myself to work out effectively.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭27‬:‭17‬ ‭CSB‬‬

The way I need other people to stay in shape physically, I need other people to stay in shape mentally, emotionally, and spiritually too. That is one reason God created the church. He knows I do better with other people who love me, encourage me, push me, and keep me accountable. In all things. That is what the church is supposed to be. A group of people who gather to improve each others’ spiritual health.

Dear God,

Thank you for the people you have placed in my life over the years who have helped me become closer to you. They have encouraged me in my walk with you and helped me find my way back to you when I wandered away. Teach me how to be this kind of encourager for people in my life who need that.

I was single for most of my life. I was 38 when I eventually got married. I wasn’t sure I was ever going to get married, and I was fine with that. I had chosen differently than most people that I knew. I chose to pursue a career that was interesting to me, move when it suited me, and live where I wanted to live. I prioritized travel and enjoyed the many freedoms singleness afforded me.

Then I had a particular relationship that showed me something new. I was exploring the country in my Eurovan camper with my boyfriend at the time. I had traveled that way many times before, by myself, driving from interesting place to interesting place on a whim and camping along the way. I had thoroughly enjoyed those trips.

But the addition of a companion on this big adventure seemed to change everything.

For the first time I felt part of a team in my daily life. I could sleep in the back while my faithful companion drove. I could trust him to take us someplace interesting, safely. If something bad happened, I wouldn’t be alone in figuring out a solution.

It was an eye-opening and life-changing epiphany. For the first time I felt I might like to have that feeling on a more permanent basis. I was finally ready to contemplate marriage.

I didn’t marry that Eurovan explorer, but I have been happily married for nearly 20 years. I have appreciated this “team” feeling quite often. I enjoy the knowledge that I am not alone in any situation, good or bad, because my husband is here to share my joy or help solve problems together with me. We travel together, move together, dream together, live together.

“Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts.”
‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭4‬:‭9‬ ‭CSB‬‬

God created us to be in community. He Himself is in community as the Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Whether it be marriage or a church family or friends, we all do better with companions. I want to be a good one.

Dear God,

Thank you for giving me such an interesting life alone. But thank you also for opening my eyes to the value of community. Thank you for my marriage, for the church, and for the friends I have. Teach me how to be a true companion to those who need it. Fill me with your love and generosity to share with others so I can be a good friend.

What goes around, comes around. Karma. The idea that my actions today affect what happens to me in the future is nothing new.

But Jesus added a couple of intriguing twists.

First, He added that not only will I get what I deserve, I will get more of it. A lot more of it. He says the measure I use will be filled, pressed down, filled, shaken together, and filled yet again so that it is overflowing.

“Give, and it will be given to you; a good measure — pressed down, shaken together, and running over — will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭6‬:‭38‬ ‭CSB‬‬

If you’ve ever done any baking you understand “pressed down” and “shaken together”. When I scoop flour or brown sugar or baking soda into a measuring cup, there tend to be air pockets or clumps that could short my measurement by an appreciable amount. For accuracy and adequacy, I should press down and shake. This ensures I have enough.

Jesus goes even further though. He presses down, shakes together, and still adds more. I end up with an inaccurate amount in my favor. When my recipe calls for one cup, I get a cup and a half. When I give one dollar to charity, I get more than a dollar credited to me by God.

The second twist that Jesus adds is that my reward (or punishment) will be dumped right into my lap. I don’t have to go get it. I don’t even have to move. It will come to me. And I can’t avoid it. I can’t jump out of the way or refuse it. It will be poured right in my unsuspecting lap.

If I am giving good things in this world, this verse should be a marvelous joy. I will get more generosity, grace, and love than I deserve, more than I put out there, and it will come to me without effort or warning.

But if I am handing out bad things everywhere I go — judgment, condemnation, hatred — this verse is quite appalling. Terrifying even. I will get more judgment, condemnation, and hated aimed back at me. Without any defense or warning.

Dear God,

I am so grateful for your overly generous measure when rewarding me for the good I give in my life. You have proven to me many times how true this verse is. I cannot out-give you. However I see by the surrounding verses, which are warnings not to judge, that my bad actions may also be returned to me in extra measure. Please open my eyes to the bad things I do so I can repent and be forgiven for them instead of having them returned to me. Thank you so much for your promise of forgiveness!

I’m glad eulogies don’t waste time describing our dearly-departed physically. Can you imagine?

“She was an old woman with a hunched back, sagging jowls, and teeth that were almost as gray as her thinning hair. She will be missed.”

No one wants to hear that. And I certainly don’t want to be remembered by my appearance on my death bed.

Fortunately, that’s not the way it works. But what will be said of me? What do I want to be said of me?

It occurs to me that instead of fretting about my looks and physical attributes (or failings) as I age, I should be most concerned with my behavior and attitude toward others. Am I wise, generous, kind, and loving? Have I proven to be a loyal friend and eager listener? Do I forgive and graciously forget wrongs done to me while genuinely seeking to make amends for pain I have caused others?

These are the kinds of things that will bring me praise at the end of my life. They are also exactly the kinds of things that God says are important during my life here.

“Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31‬:‭30‬ ‭CSB‬‬

Dear God,

Thank you for the reminder of what is important, and what is not. I’m sorry for getting caught up in my outward appearance while neglecting my inward attitude. Teach me what it means to fear you, obey you, and follow you. Thank you for the example you gave with your Son Jesus.

When my house is on fire, I call the fire department. When I experience a burglary, I call the police. When I am having a heart attack, I call an ambulance.

But I only do those things if I believe in them.

I am fortunate to live in a place where those services do exist and are fairly reliable. Unfortunately, there are many places where those services either don’t exist at all, or they are too slow or unreliable in other ways. In those places, I would try to put the fire out myself, or chase the burglar away myself, or maybe drive myself to a hospital. Or I would call on other people I believed in, like my neighbors, family, or friends. If I’m lucky, someone would respond and help me.

Fortunately, we all live in a place where God exists and is available 24/7. He is the most reliable emergency responder.

“For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭10‬:‭13‬ ‭CSB‬‬

I may not recognize it, but my house is burning down. Evil is trying to rob my life and joy. Death is at my door.

But God is standing by waiting for my call.

Dear God,

Thank you for your promise to answer me when I call on you. I’m sorry that I don’t always turn to you first. I try to solve all my problems with my own wisdom and power which is so inadequate. Remind me always to call on you and trust you instead.

A few months ago, my dog and I were returning home from a walk when we were attacked by the neighbor’s Saint Bernard. I screamed and screamed as I kicked at the dog from the ground where I had been knocked over, but my neighbor never came out to call off her dog, even though we were right outside her house.

My dog valiantly tried to defend us, but he was dwarfed by the huge attacker. My dog was wearing a leash and a “gentle leader” which limited his mobility while the Saint Bernard was not bound in any way.

Needless to say, I was in a bit of a panic and dumbfounded as to why no one was responding to my screams and cries for help. There were people around. There were some landscapers down the street, and a car drove right by us. No one came to help.

After what seemed like a very long time but was probably only a couple of minutes, the Saint Bernard suddenly stopped attacking and simply trotted away, back into his house. I don’t know why, although I had been praying while I was screaming.

Afterwards, while laying on the ground with my dog, I phoned my neighbor. She came out right away. I asked why she hadn’t come out to help when she heard my screams. Her answer was that she “didn’t know what the screaming was all about.” Not that she didn’t hear. She just didn’t want to get involved in whatever was going on outside, and she had no idea her dog was loose.

It amazes me that this woman could hear prolonged screaming outside her house and not at least look to see what was happening and whether she could help.

Humans are very unreliable. We just cannot be trusted.

God, however, is always reliable. He can be trusted. Always. Every time.

“I waited patiently for the Lord, and he turned to me and heard my cry for help. He brought me up from a desolate pit, out of the muddy clay, and set my feet on a rock, making my steps secure.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭40‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭CSB‬‬

My cries for help are heard by God. When I put my trust in Him, He never ignores me. He may make me wait, because His timing is perfect and perhaps different than what I think I need. But He does not neglect me. He loves me and cares for me and promises to provide what I truly need.

Dear God,

Thank you for your promise to hear me and protect me and provide for me when I put my trust in you. Forgive me for being an unreliable human. I have ignored people in need many times. Show me today how to be more loving and trustworthy like you. And remind me to always turn to you first for help in all situations.

I was at the musical “Avenue Q” when I first learned the word schadenfreude. There is a whole song teaching about it. It’s a funny song, but also rings true deep down in my bones, I’m ashamed to say.

Schadenfreude means taking pleasure in the misfortune of others.

Here are some of the lyrics from the song:

“…When I see how sad you are,
It sort of makes me happy…

Sorry Nicky, human nature.
Nothing I can do.
It’s schadenfreude.
Making me feel glad that I’m not you…

Straight A student getting B’s,
Exes getting STD’s,
Waking doormen from their naps,
Watching tourists reading maps,
Football players getting tackled,
CEO’s getting shackled,
Watching actors never reach
The ending of their Oscar speech…”

Schadenfreude is human nature, which means it is not God’s nature. And it is something I need the God of Love to help me overcome.

“Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭6‬ ‭CSB‬‬

Rooting for evil is the opposite of love. Hoping for bad things to happen to my enemy is not love. Being glad that a lie worked out in my favor or that I got away with cheating is not love.

The more bad, evil, false, wrong, and painful things I inject into the world, the darker and uglier the world becomes.

I don’t want that. And God knows it will not make me happy in the end.

Dear God,

Thank you for your love, and thank you for your wisdom which teaches that love makes my world better for everyone. Forgive my urges toward revenge or spite or schadenfreude. This may feel good for a moment, but I realize any pleasant feeling will sour quickly and harden my heart. Teach me to rejoice in the truth and in righteousness, goodness, and love. Always.

It’s interesting that Jesus compares the church’s relationship with God to a marriage. Marriage is the ultimate test of human relationships. It is asking a lot for two flawed, self-centered people to live together, eat together, sleep together, collaborate in parenting, suffer the aging process in the same space at the same time, share resources, compromise in almost every aspect of life, and be happy about it. Forever.

It’s no wonder so many marriages end in divorce. We are only human.

That’s where God comes in though. God is love. He can fill us with His Spirit of love so we no longer think, act, and react like mere humans. In any relationship.

“Love is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs.”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭5‬ ‭CSB‬

God teaches us how to love by loving us. He is the perfect spouse for this human church.

When I spend time with God, praising His character, contemplating His blessings, appreciating His forgiveness, listening for His voice, and being filled with His love, suddenly I can love others, including my husband. I can be generous with my time and resources, I can put aside my needs, I can forgive and forget, I can be patient, I can listen, and I can love.

Dear God,

Thank you for my marriage. Thank you for providing your love so that our marriage has a chance. Thank you for all my friendships and other family relationships as well. Please forgive me for the many times when I think, act, and react like the flawed and self-centered human I am. Please fill me with your love today and every day so I can love well in all these relationships instead.

Love is really hard to adequately define, but in 1 Corinthians 13, Paul gives one of the best definitions I’ve ever seen. He accomplishes this masterful definition by describing love the way one might describe a person — not what they are wearing or how tall they are, but what they are like and how they behave.

Paul describes what that person called “Love” would do and what they wouldn’t do.

“Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant,”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭4‬ ‭CSB‬‬

This works perfectly as a definition because love actually is a person. Love is God, and God is love.

Without God there is no love. A universe without God is also a universe devoid of love.

God created everything from the depths of His love. That love blossomed and bore fruit. It filled the dark and empty void with life and light.

God’s love is still bearing fruit today. It is infinite and always available. The darkness keeps trying but can’t overcome it.

To push back the darkness in my corner of the world, all I need to do is love.

How do I love?

Back to the definition: God is love. To love, I just need to be like God and do what He does. God is patient. God is kind. God does not envy, is not boastful or arrogant…

Dear God,

I am so grateful for your love that created the world and everything in it, including me. Teach me how to be like you, how to love. I’m sorry for falling back on my own selfish desires instead of continuing to reach for your love. Remind me of the basics of love so deftly described here in the Bible as I interact with people today.