I heard this piece of marital advice once, and it stuck with me: “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?”

It’s a reminder of the goal of a marriage.

All close relationships inevitably experience disagreements, especially when cohabiting is involved. Sometimes fights can occur around the same issues again and again. Conflicting ideals, misunderstandings, and unconscious habits lead to friction.

When an argument starts, it instantly feels like a battle. My instincts tell me that I must defend my ground against an enemy attack. Wounded egos make matters worse. And the bigger an ego is, the easier it is to wound.

“Blessed are the humble, for they will inherit the earth.” (Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭5,‬ ‭CSB)‬‬

It’s easy to forget that my spouse should never be considered my enemy. The goal of a good relationship is not to beat the other person. It’s to build the other person up, love them, encourage them, learn from them, and grow with them.

The quickest way to end any battle is to admit defeat. But our egos make that so hard.

It’s really challenging to put aside my desire to win, to show you I’m right and you’re wrong. But that’s exactly how God says we are to behave amongst each other. Humility will win the day. Any other attitude will lead to defeat.

Dear God, forgive me for feeling that I need to defend myself whenever I am challenged. I know when I treat others with love and humility, you will take care of my needs. Thank you for the reminder to look for ways to build others up instead of tearing them down.