I have been suffering from depression for the last couple of years. It was mild at first but has gotten increasingly worse, compounded by grief. I can still function — that is, I can still do laundry, walk the dog, attend birthday parties, etc. — but I don’t have much joy or enthusiasm for any of it. The thought of embarking on a new project feels overwhelming. I’m struggling to finish the ones I have already started.

Believe it or not, this may be exactly where God wants me to be right now.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.’ Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me.” (2 Corinthians‬ ‭12‬:‭9,‬ ‭CSB‬‬)

God doesn’t love that I am suffering. At the same time, He may be allowing my depression to linger for a reason. He may be withholding His healing so that I can learn something important about Him and what He is capable of.

Several people lately have called me their “sunshine.” They have told me that I brought something beautiful into their lives. This baffled me, truly, because I do not at all feel like sunshine. I do not feel that I have anything beautiful to offer. So I must assume that what they are seeing is God reflecting off of me. He is the bright source of any light or love or joy or goodness that I have to offer.

If I weren’t feeling so dull, perhaps those comments about my “brightness” would make me proud. Instead, I can only gratefully point to God.

Dear God, I’m so glad that my strength or capability doesn’t matter to you. You are able to do your will through me whether I feel up to it or not! Thank you for this lesson and remind me to always look to you for everything I need. Teach me to be obedient no matter what I feel capable of. Meanwhile, I’d love to be freed from the weight of depression.