CamDevo

My sister has lied to me for over a decade.

My sister is a closet alcoholic with a drinking problem so severe that she has now been diagnosed with end-stage liver failure. Her doctor told me that the only thing that would save her life is a timely liver transplant.

But my sister has never admitted her drinking to me. Not once. In fact, not only has she not admitted to drinking, she has vehemently denied it, and ruthlessly so. She has accused me of hating her and other ugly things when I have attempted to confront her about the evident problem.

And so, for the last decade (plus) we have been estranged. I would reach out to her from time to time with texts and encouraging words. Occasionally, I would hear back from her. (She is actually the one who convinced me to publish these “CamDevos” instead of just sending them to her. And if she’s reading this now, I hope she reads to the end.)

Finally, the event I had been expecting occurred. An event that would force a change in her life. She had a bad fall and ended up in the hospital. And because of that, I now know how grave her situation has become.

I have called the hospital every day for a week to get updates, and the news has gone from bad to worse. Although now she is meeting with a transplant team. So, is there a glimmer of hope? Not just hope for healing and a prolonged life, but reconciliation of our relationship?

Before reconciliation though, there must be forgiveness. I must forgive my sister for all the lies.

“And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.” (Ephesians‬ ‭4‬:‭32‬, ‭HCSB‬‬)

The Bible is full of calls for followers of Jesus to forgive. Whenever I read one of those verses, my sister is the first to come to mind. God tells me to forgive her.

God forgave me. And continues to forgive me. Every day. Even when I don’t feel sorry yet. He values our relationship that much. When I ask for forgiveness, He provides it. Just like that.

And so, that’s what I will do for my sister. For me. In His strength, not my own, but truly and sincerely. And perhaps reconciliation can then begin. I grasp on to that tiny bright gem of hope that my sister and I can once again be… sisters.

Dear God, I don’t deserve Your forgiveness, but thank you for choosing to forgive me anyway. I’m so grateful for it. I want to be like You so, I want to forgive others the way you have forgiven me. Help me to remember Your generous gift of forgiveness, and release my anger towards those who have hurt me.

When a leader is determined to become a dictator, one of the first things they do is squash all sources of information and education. They abolish any free press by discrediting sources they can’t control and arresting journalists who don’t agree to report their narrative. They attack schools of all sorts, removing funding, punishing teachers for teaching the truth, and manipulating textbooks and curricula.

This is despotism 101.

So, why are information and education such prime targets? It’s all about truth.

Evil hates truth. Evil can’t thrive in the light. Evil loves to scurry about in the shadows, deceiving and confusing people. When the truth isn’t available, people are vulnerable, afraid, and easily controlled. Evil thrives in this environment like mold in a dark, leaky basement.

So, in the fight against evil, truth is a critical weapon and the devil’s most feared.

“This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand. Stand, therefore, with truth like a belt around your waist…” (Ephesians‬ ‭6‬:‭13-14,‬ ‭HCSB‬‬)

Jesus said I AM the Truth. The key to fighting evil in any form is Jesus. He gives His followers all we need to fight any evil that comes our way, and there is plenty to fight in this world.

So when you feel alone, don’t believe that lie. Turn to the Truth that you are not alone. God is always with you.

“And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭28‬:‭20‬ ‭HCSB‬‬

When things seem hopeless, don’t believe that lie. God promises salvation, joy and purpose now, and an eternal future of love, peace, and light. The Bible is full of promises that lead to hope!

When you feel lost and ashamed, don’t believe the lie that you are worthless or forgotten. God’s truth is that you are chosen and dearly loved. He is standing at your door knocking, waiting for you to open.

So, buckle up the belt of truth each morning and reach for the weapons God provides when you are attacked by lies that are meant to confuse and incapacitate you. The truth will set you free.

Dear God, thank you for truth and light and love and beauty. You are all these things. Open my eyes to recognize the twisted lies of evil. They don’t always look like lies so draw me back again and again to your Word to be reminded of the truth. Show me how to fight for truth in every aspect of my life today. Thank you for providing the weapons I need.

You’ve probably heard the proverb with ancient origins that says, “clothes make the man.” It has been used by Shakespeare (“The apparel oft proclaims the man,” in Hamlet) as well as by Mark Twain, in a more humorous way. He said, “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”

The point is that your apparel has an outsized impact on people’s impressions of you.

This can be solidified further by choosing outfits explicitly meant to declare who you are. Everyone knows where your loyalties lie when you don a Milwaukee Brewers jersey at a Cubs game. And someone sporting a rainbow cape at a pride parade is proclaiming their beliefs just like someone choosing a MAGA hat.

But some say the proverb is wrong. Judging someone by their clothes is lazy, and we should only go by their words and actions.

Aside from the blatant, purposefully provocative apparel examples above, I’d say they are right. It’s inside that counts. God agrees.

“Therefore, God’s chosen ones, holy and loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,” (Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭12,‬ ‭HCSB)

As followers of Jesus, we are chosen, made holy, and dearly loved. And because we are now on God’s team, we need to dress the part. Not on the outside with slogans or colors, but on the inside, with our character, our hopes, dreams, and desires. And ultimately with our words and actions. Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. All these are what people should notice about people who claim to follow Jesus.

Can people tell which team you’re on?

Dear God, show me how to proclaim your love with my attitude and behavior toward others. Teach me how to be obvious about my allegiance to you with every word I say and everything I do. Thank you for your generous forgiveness and correction when I’m wearing the wrong hat, one of hate, apathy, selfishness, or pride.

I read something today that said the quality of my sleep indicates the quality of my spiritual life. That was pretty convicting because I didn’t sleep well last night.

I had gotten a text late in the day yesterday informing me of a loved one’s poor decisions and urging me to take action.

So, after a restless sleep, my brain decided 3 A.M. was a good time to wake up and work on the problem. Never mind that this person has freedom to make unwise and self-destructive choices. Never mind that I have no power to change or control things. Never mind that it’s the middle of the night and lack of sleep won’t help anybody.

Most of the things in life that make me the most upset are things that I can’t control. And so most of the things I worry about in the wee hours of the morning are those same things. Things I have no control over. What a stupid and frustrating way to not sleep!

“I will both lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, Lord, make me live in safety.” (Psalms‬ ‭4‬:‭8,‬ ‭HCSB)‬‬

I think maybe I should affix this verse to my ceiling so when I wake in the night wondering what to do, I will remember simply to pray.

Unlike me, God does see the future. He does know how to work things out for good, even poor choices. God is good, wise, holy, all-powerful, and eternal. He loves me. He wants His children to leave our burdens at His feet, to trust Him, and to move on with our job of doing the things we can control — praising Him and loving people generously.

Dear God, thank you for the reminder to stop fretting about things that are out of my control. Please help me to humbly accept my inability to solve every problem. Thank you for listening to my prayers, welcoming my burdens, and using your unlimited power to turn bad into good when we love you and trust you. And help me sleep in peace.

What is the best place to hide if someone is trying to find you? Assuming you don’t want to be found, the answer is simple: up.

For a variety of reasons, we humans don’t tend to look higher than eye-level when searching for things. These reasons include:

Evolution – We didn’t have many predators, or prey, who dropped from the sky.

Anatomy – The construction of our faces don’t make looking up easy. We actually have to crane our necks.

Navigation – Looking up blinds us from tripping hazards and cliff edges.

Architecture – Ceilings are usually boring so we have been conditioned to ignore them.

So, if you broke into a warehouse, hide in the rafters when a security guard comes poking around.

Our problem with not looking up extends into our spiritual lives. We get very focused on our daily lives, our calendars and schedules, our food and entertainment, even the people around us. These aren’t necessarily bad things, but they aren’t going to give us the answers we are looking for.

If you feel lost or incomplete, when you lack purpose or hope, when you are bored, frustrated, sad, or weary, look up.

“Set your minds on what is above, not on what is on the earth.” (Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭2,‬ ‭HCSB‬‬)

The real answers cannot be found here on earth. There is nothing here that will satisfy our deep longings for truth, value, and meaning. Love isn’t here.

These things can only be found in a relationship with God.

He wants that for you so badly that He sent His son to remind us all to look up at Him, hanging on the cross, and then resurrected. To save us from the predators and hazards of always looking down at our circumstances.

Dear God, thank you for the reminder to focus on you and your will instead of getting bogged down in my own desires, plans, successes, and failures. You are wise, full of powerful truth and love. Reveal yourself to me today and fill me with your peace and purpose.

I’m trying to learn to paint realistic watercolor. It’s a new medium for me. I have painted with acrylics and oils before. With those, it seems easier because you just paint what you see. If I see green, I paint with green paint. If I see black, I use black. And if I see white, I paint with white paint. If I need a lighter green, I mix it with some white paint.

With watercolor that’s not how it works. The paints are translucent so the colors are always blending with the white paper to some extent. Sure, if I see green, I use green paint, but I may need several layers to achieve the deep shade of green needed. If I see black, again I work my way up to get that deep, dark inkiness. With white, things are even harder. I don’t use white paint, I use the paper and a lack of paint to achieve bright highlights and white things. When I need a lighter shade of green, I simply use less green paint by diluting it with water.

This has been a real challenge for me to learn. I have to recognize the highlights and lightest parts of the image before I start and avoid those areas. To avoid them, I’ve learned to paint a very light wash everywhere except in those white areas. Then gradually build up the areas around those highlights that are darker.

The trick is in knowing how dark those mid-tones need to be to get the realistic look. I was taught a secret. After defining the highlights, if I switch to the very darkest areas, the ones that are black or nearly so, I will easily see how light or dark everything in between will need to be.

The painting looks very disjointed at this stage. I can really only see the dark shadows and stark crevices while the rest of the painting is a faint suggestion of something real.

Life is sort of this way. When I look around, it’s so easy to see the darkness and pain. Grief and loss is abundant and unavoidable. It’s really hard to see a bigger, better picture.

But the Bible promises us a beautiful big picture to come.

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us.” (Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭18‬, ‭HCSB)‬‬

Because of Jesus, one day His followers will see all the beauty that is now just a faint suggestion. Our sorrow and pain will be turned into inexpressible joy as we fully experience all that our loving and generous God has promised. Heaven and eternity with Him. A new world filled with beauty, purpose, truth, and love.

I have so much satisfaction when finishing a painting. I have painted enough by now to know that the awkward stage where everything looks wrong and bad will one day come to an end, and I will have a beautiful painting to enjoy.

Dear God, thank you for the metaphor of my paintings. It is so uncomfortable to be partially done, to look around and see nothing but ugliness and failure. Teach me to hope in the world the way I have learned to hope in my paintings — to focus on and keep working for the end product. Your new creation will be so much more wonderful! I can’t even begin to imagine it.

The concept of The Matrix movie franchise is very interesting. It leads to a thought experiment for followers of Jesus.

In the movies, the reality we experience every day is just an illusion — a sophisticated simulation programmed by machines. Beyond the simulation is the real world, ruled by those machines who farm our captive bodies for fuel. A group of rebels has discovered the truth and has managed to escape from the simulation, waking up in their true bodies. When the protagonist, Neo, begins to uncover the truth as well, the group offers him a choice: a red pill or a blue pill. With one, he can fully know the harsh truth, and his life will be changed forever. With the other, he can return to his life as he has always known it, in blissful ignorance.

Here is the thought experiment. In which reality does Neo have freedom?

It may seem at first that freedom can be found in the simulation. In that reality, I can do whatever I want, be whatever I want, go where I want. In fact, one of the rebels in the movie chooses to return to the comfort of captivity, the simulation, and its illusions.

But the movie makes clear that real freedom, difficult as it may be, can only be found by knowing the truth and fighting for it, outside the simulation.

Jesus too described another “kingdom” distinct from our reality. And He offers a choice. I can follow Him, the Truth, or I can continue to live comfortably in the lies of the devil, the deceiver.

If I choose Jesus, I can experience His kingdom now, to some degree. And when He returns, His Kingdom will replace the one we live in now, the one we see and hear and touch most readily.

If I don’t choose Jesus, I can continue on in my life as I have always known it. Maybe with some great successes but ultimately leading to an end in death.

In which choice do I find true freedom? It may seem that my life without Jesus offers more freedom. I can do what I want, when I want, with whom I want… But then what?

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Corinthians‬ ‭3‬:‭17,‬ ‭HCSB)‬‬

The truth is that only with Jesus do I have true freedom. With Jesus I have free access to God and His unlimited, beautiful love, right now. And I have the promise of eternal life in His perfect kingdom, as well as the opportunity to know the complete joy of the full truth.

Dear God, thank you for giving me the option to follow you. Thank you for offering me forgiveness and salvation from this broken world that leads to death. Thank you for showing me the truth. I choose your kingdom. I choose you.

Do you remember the first time you were sent off on your own, without a parent or even siblings? Maybe it was at a day care or preschool. For me it was kindergarten. It was a half-day session, and I had been assigned to the afternoon. All morning I wondered what would happen. What would we do? Who would be there? How would I know where to go?

Fortunately for me, my older sister was in the second grade. She had already been through this and survived. But it was still a big scary mystery. So many unknowns. I drove my mom crazy, bouncing around the house all morning. She was relieved when she could finally drop me off.

In the end, although I was excitedly terrified, I was put at ease quickly by other curious children and a kind-hearted teacher. When my mom came to get me again, I wasn’t ready to leave. And I couldn’t wait to go back.

I wonder what my experience would have been if my mom had been allowed to stay with me the whole time. Sure, knowing she would be there would have removed my fear, but it would have also removed my opportunity to grow in confidence. I may not have learned the same hard lessons about sharing or cleaning up after myself. And I may have been too distracted by her to make friends or try new things.

I’ve seen videos of a parent dropping a child off at day care. The child is screaming not to be left there. They reach for their mommy or daddy wailing in horror at the betrayal. This goes on until the parent leaves. Then the child calms down and assesses their situation. They realize there are some fun toys and other kids to play with. A game of duck, duck, goose gets going. Mommy and daddy are forgotten.

In the videos however, mommy and daddy haven’t actually left. They are simply out of view, behind a one-way mirror. They can see that their child is fine, having fun, and being cared for. It is then that they choose to actually leave.

I’ve always wondered why God chooses not to be visible to us. Why don’t we get the joy of being able to sense His presence. He says He is always here, but I can’t hear Him, see Him, or touch Him like I can a storm or a train or a rainbow or a tree.

Although God promises to always be with me, He has chosen not to be obvious about it. Maybe for the same reasons a parent doesn’t stick around the day care and my mom left me at kindergarten.

If God were obvious about His constant presence, I wouldn’t need faith. I wouldn’t need to take the time to read His word and contemplate how it relates to my life and situation. If He were just spouting off orders, I wouldn’t need to spend time learning about His character to know how to follow Him. I wouldn’t need to grow or try new things or explore with wonder the world He created. He’d just be there to answer everything. Which sounds nice in some ways, but it’s like having mommy at daycare. A bit stunting in the growth department.

Fortunately though, even though I can’t see Him, I believe God’s promises to always be with me.

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” (Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭2‬, NLT‬‬)

God is right here. But He’s behind His one-way mirror to allow me to grow. Sometimes those growth opportunities are very difficult. God allows some of them because He loves me. He wants me to grow strong in character and in my confidence in Him. I may get burned, but I won’t be burned up, soul and all. I may be swimming in rough waters, but I won’t drown into a bottomless abyss. And no matter what, He is right by my side with comfort, strength, and wisdom for the asking.

Dear God, I look forward to the day when I can see you face to face instead of like now – “through a glass, darkly.” Thank you for reminding me of your constant, loving presence even though I can’t see you. Protect me from the deep waters and raging fires of this broken world while I learn and grow through those experiences.

I have a couple of prayers that I have prayed for many years, even decades. One in particular, about the healing of a loved one, comes to mind every time I pray. This prayer remains unanswered.

I was thinking about that today. I have written that request in a list of prayers on my phone. But whenever I come to that prayer, I feel like just skipping over it. God hasn’t answered it in 40 years. Why would He listen and act now?

Today however God reminded me of another prayer that I had been praying for even longer. This prayer was for a kind of healing of another loved one. This one — one that I’ve been praying since I was a young girl — was answered just last year.

The reason I had to be reminded of that fact was because God didn’t answer that prayer the way I expected. It happened in the midst of many other events and changes. Also, because I’d been praying about it for so many years, I no longer expected or looked for a change. So when it happened, I didn’t recognize it as an answer to my prayer. But it clearly was. The problem I was praying about is gone, miraculously wiped away.

“Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.” (Psalms‬ ‭27‬:‭14‬, ‭NLT‬‬)

God’s timing is perfect. He is not my magic genie who takes my wishes as His command. He listens and comforts but works according to His wise and loving plan.

Should I stop praying for things that don’t get answered when I want them to? Absolutely not. If they are good things, I should actively wait by praying constantly. Like waiting for a seed to sprout by watering it. When I stay close to God, read His word, listen for His voice, and pray, He rewards me with His presence, comfort, and courage. And maybe, when the time is right, an answer to my prayer.

Dear God, thank you so much for answering my decades-old prayer! And thank you for reminding me that you did so. I recognize that your ways are not my ways. Your ways are better, your timing is perfect. Thank you for always hearing my prayers with love. Teach me to trust that you are listening and working with perfect wisdom.

In recent years I have had several difficult losses. Loved ones who died suddenly, a childhood home torn down, relationships damaged and broken, even my own body betraying me. Then there is the damage to so many American traditions, institutions, and treasures, and a government that doesn’t pretend to care about its own people.

With so much upheaval and grief, the temptation is to stop caring altogether. Wouldn’t it feel good just to turn inward and stop paying attention to other people, to take care of myself and stop at that?

But I recognize the devil’s voice in that. He is always dangling the easy answer before me. He tells me to ignore the problems of other people. Save my money for when I need it. Make sure I have food, shelter, and access to medical care. Ensure my own safety and stability. If I just close my eyes and watch happy TV shows, all the bad things will magically disappear.

This is not how Jesus behaved. And it’s not how I should behave as His follower either. Jesus put other people first to the point of death on the cross. He worked tirelessly for the sick, the outcasts, the widows, the foreigners, the “sinners.” He never stuck His head in the sand or sat back and watched the leaders abuse people.

Jesus saw a lot of sad things. Hurting people, hungry people, lost people. He heard their cries and felt their pain. He wept with them, mourned with them, and then waded in to help.

“God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭4‬, ‭NLT‬‬)

As a follower of Jesus, I have to accept that there are and will be sad things. I can’t turn away or run away from them. It’s OK to mourn when things are bad for me and for other people. It’s part of caring, of loving. It hurts, but the good news is that Jesus promised my mourning won’t be for naught, and it won’t last forever. When I care enough to mourn, He promises blessings and comfort. Now and forever.

Dear God, thank you for caring about me. Give me the strength and courage to care about other people even when it hurts. Provide wisdom so my caring turns into effective and helpful action. I trust you to fulfill your promise of blessings and comfort when I allow myself to be vulnerable in love.