CamDevo

I seem to be particularly vulnerable to mind worms. That is, a song that gets stuck in my thoughts like a broken jukebox that keeps playing it over and over again.

Usually it’s not the whole song. Just certain stanzas. Sometimes I only know a few of the words, and the melody loops and loops inside my head.

Occasionally, it’s a song I enjoy. But even those songs get tiresome after hours, or days, of repetition. Especially when I wake up in the middle of the night hearing the tune in my head and can’t get back to sleep.

One time it wasn’t even a song at all that got stuck in my mind. It was someone’s name. For whatever reason this person’s long name kept returning to the front of my thoughts no matter how many times I tried to deny it entry or chase it off.

My sister suffered from this problem as well. But she had a trick that seemed to work for her. I begged her to share it with me. She said the only way to get rid of a mind worm was to replace it with something else. She said she knew of two songs that successfully evicted mind-worm songs and didn’t themselves get stuck.

I was dubious but asked what the songs were. She said “Caribbean Queen” by Billy Ocean and “Private Dancer” by Tina Turner. They were her anti-mind-worm songs.

I don’t particularly like either of those songs nor do I even know them well, but I knew enough to sing a little of their choruses. So, the next time I was plagued by a mind worm, I started singing: “Caribbean Queen, now we’re sharing the same dream, and our hearts, they beat as one. No more love on the run.”

Shockingly, it actually worked.

Now, I know there is nothing magical about “Caribbean Queen.” It holds no special powers, but it tends not to become a mind worm itself for some reason. The musical pattern or vocal rhythm doesn’t lend itself to getting stuck. It fills up my immediate thoughts as I sing it — pushing out the mind worm — but then politely dissipates on its own.

Relief!

Negative thoughts can be a more insidious and damaging kind of mind worm. They are harder to recognize as foreign. And harder still to identify and isolate for removal. They can be negative thoughts about myself, my body, or my life. Or unhelpful, sticky thoughts about the world or other people.

These thoughts usually come from outside sources first. Someone calls you a name. Or you see someone else’s success and you compare yourself to them. Or news programs or social media repeat negative themes and your mind begins to chew on them like cud.

God doesn’t want that for His children. These thoughts are from the devil, meant to slow us down, divide us, depress us, and keep us from truth and purpose.

“Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” (Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭8,‬ ‭NLT)‬‬

Like with my song solution, the only way to stop these damaging trains of thought is to replace them with beauty and truth. And that is a very aggressive, purposeful activity. It means focus and practice. It means carefully guarding what I put into my brain. What am I watching, who am I listening to? Is it good, true, and worthy of praise? Are they excellent and admirable?

God Himself is all of those things. Turning my mind to God in praise and gratitude is a sure solution.

Dear God, point out to me each thought I have that does not belong. Teach me to replace the negative, energy-vampire thoughts with your powerful and beautiful truths that I am loved, and you are God. You created me to love others, to create, and to use my skills and resources to make the world better.

My mother is in her late 80s but is still very capable and independent. I want to help her stay that way, but I live thousands of miles away which makes it difficult for me to troubleshoot problems that arise.

For example, she had a few radio stations as presets on her car radio. Unfortunately, the radio provider she uses reassigned many of the channels for their stations recently, rendering my mom’s presets obsolete. Trying to help her fix those presets over the phone was a big challenge. Fortunately, I was able to set things right during a recent visit.

But now an error message about low tire pressure is appearing on her car’s display. The obvious solution is to put air in her tires, which she has done many times. We’ve determined she needs new tires, but until that happens, she will need to live with this error message.

The error message doesn’t seem like an urgent problem, but in fact it’s a bigger problem than the radio station presets or the tires being low. Why?

Because the error message apparently prevents my mom from being able to see how fast she’s driving.

When she can’t tell how fast she’s driving, she feels both unsafe and nervous about being pulled over.

The last thing I want is for my mom to lose her independence over a simple thing like that, but it’s totally understandable. Not being sure of your own speed would be unsettling. A similar problem is not knowing the speed limit. Neither one is good.

I’ve come to appreciate my phone’s map app because when I’m using it to navigate, it clearly displays the current speed limit wherever I happen to be driving.

It’s important to know the laws as well as how successfully I am obeying them. I can avoid all kinds of delays, fines, and other troubles with that information.

This is true in my spiritual life as well.

“I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” (Psalms‬ ‭119‬:‭11‬ ‭NLT‬‬)

How can I please God if I don’t even know what He wants from me? I could guess what God might want. Or I could follow other people. These things lead to activities that are even worse than simple ignorance. If I guess what God wants when I don’t really know Him, or if I follow others without knowing the truth about God myself, I can end up doing things that are wrong while imagining I am righteous. This is exactly why Jesus overturned the tables in the temple, and why He was so often arguing with the Pharisees of His time. Their ideas of what God wanted had gotten warped by customs and social norms over time. They were disobeying while proclaiming themselves righteous.

Just like I need to read my speedometer and the speed limit signs to obey the law, to truly know how to be obedient to God, I need to read His word. Thoroughly and often. I need to read and pray and study and listen. In this way, I will get to know God and what He truly cares about, no matter what other “righteous” people say. Then I will understand exactly what He wants from me.

Dear God, thank you for giving me such easy access to your word in so many languages and translations. Forgive me for taking that gift for granted. Teach me how to read it, let me hear your voice when I read it, and show me how to put your purpose for me into practice today and tomorrow.

Before my sister died, we were estranged. Over a decade of her alcohol abuse pushed us farther and farther apart.

During my Bible studies, I often came across verses urging me to forgive others, no matter what. My sister always came to mind. I tried to forgive her. I even thought I had.

But God kept warning me about the flip side of that coin. I needed to ask her for forgiveness.

I remember thinking that I had nothing to be forgiven for in that relationship. She’d hurt me again and again. I had tried to help her many times, only to be slapped away.

Forgiveness is a funny thing though. We humans are so flawed that there is almost never a time when one party in a dispute is 100% to blame. The problem may lie 99% in the hands of one person, but that 1% of resentment or righteous indignation or pride or stubbornness, even hatred, remains with the other.

When my sister died, my anger dissipated, and I could finally see my failures regarding our relationship. She had been so lonely, so broken, and in so much pain. She couldn’t express it, but she needed me to care. She wanted me to keep trying, but I gave up. I chose to protect myself instead of staying available and vulnerable and trusting God to protect me.

“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” (Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭13,‬ ‭NLT)‬‬

God’s love is the only perfect love. In any problem between us, the fault always lies 100% with me. And yet He forgives me as soon as I ask for it. Even before I can finish repenting of my selfishness, He is there with His forgiveness and comfort. He doesn’t expect me to fix myself up before I’m worthy of His time. He is ready to forgive, always. Even though He knows I will fail again. Even though I’m not even aware of all the ways I’ve screwed up!

Dear God, thank you so much for forgiving me without making me jump through hoops. Please forgive me for not offering that same kind of forgiveness to others. Teach me how to love the way you do. I know I will never get it quite right in this life, so I’m grateful that my continued effort is all you ask. I know you will provide the forgiveness I need each time I fail.

I just got done losing two tennis matches, two days in a row. I was playing in a national tennis tournament organized by a friend of mine at my local club. It was an “open” tournament, meaning any level player can play any other level player. It is organized by age group instead of skill level. I tend not to enter these types of tournaments because I am a mid-level player and am always out-matched by higher-level players who travel great distances expecting to win. You don’t travel for a tournament like this unless you have a really good shot at doing well.

But my friend needed to fill out a category of players so I agreed to play doubles with another friend who is also a mid-level player.

We didn’t expect to win. And, as predicted, we lost both our first match and the consolation round match.

Since I wasn’t expecting to win, you’d think these losses wouldn’t bother me. And yet I was grumpy, angry, and frustrated, and I’m ashamed to say, it showed.

Why?

I guess the answer is that I want to impress people and have them say “wow” when I play. I don’t want them to turn away in disappointment. I don’t want to hear consoling words from my opponents. It is sheer pride, plain and simple, that keeps me from enjoying these lop-sided matches.

“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.” (Galatians‬ ‭1‬:‭10,‬ ‭NLT‬‬)

When I read this verse today, I realized how wrong my attitude was when heading into these matches. My pride’s goal was to impress other people which meant playing well and winning. Which led to my anger and gloom when I failed.

Instead, my goal should have been to impress God.

God isn’t impressed by my physical abilities or tennis skills. God is impressed instead by how well I love other people. Did I treat my opponents with respect and kindness? Did I show genuine appreciation for their skills and congratulate them appropriately when they won?

Did I help my partner enjoy her time playing? Did I encourage her and do my best to play well to increase her enjoyment, instead of my status?

These goals are very doable. The Holy Spirit is on my team making it possible. I can avoid the agony of defeat.

I realize I need to rework my attitude when I step out into the world for any reason. Victory is mine when God is the only one I aim to impress.

Dear God, thank you for the beautiful day to play tennis with my friend. Thank you that my body is healthy enough and that I have time to play tennis in the middle of a weekday. Please forgive me for my misguided priorities. Remind me to seek your approval above any other. Yours is the only opinion that matters.

I was in my teens when I first learned what it meant to miss someone. To really miss them.

A good friend and mentor of mine had moved to another city. They had been a big part of my life, and suddenly they were gone. I could still communicate with them, but it was rare and distant instead of often, regular, and face-to-face.

It was incredibly painful.

Since then I have experienced that longing again and again. I have moved away from good friends many times. Or they have moved away from me. Jobs change, circumstances change, the world changes.

God knows this pain of “missing someone.” He sent Jesus to earth to die as a human for our sins. During that time, He was separate from His Son in a way neither of them had experienced before. They had always been together, in the perfect loving relationship.

And then suddenly, everything was different. God missed His Son. They could still communicate. But it wasn’t intimate like before. God missed Jesus, and Jesus missed God.

After Jesus died, He rose again, conquering death forever. He returned to heaven, and God was reunited with His Son.

Because God made that sacrifice for us, we don’t have to suffer our losses forever either. One day all God’s children will be together with God.

In the meantime, while I am in the midst of my longing, I find it helpful to model Paul’s response to missing someone.

“Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God.” (Philippians‬ ‭1‬:‭3‬, ‭NLT‬‬)

He missed the people in the church he planted in Philippi, but instead of moping and wallowing in self-pity about it, he turned his attention away from his painful circumstances and focused on the people he missed. He recalled the wonderful times they’d had together and thanked God for that. He reminded himself of all they had done and learned and the traits he appreciated about them and was grateful that he had those memories.

One day, I won’t have to miss anyone anymore. That will be a great day. But until then, I will think about why I miss them in the first place and be grateful for the relationship I had when I had it.

Dear God, thank you so much for teaching me how to love by sending your Son to demonstrate it for us. Thank you also for the hope you have given me because of His sacrifice. By missing your Son for a time, you saved me from the permanence of loss.

I’m a photographer. I recently purchased a new camera because my old camera is nearly fifteen years old‬‬. In the days of film, a camera of that age would be fine. But with the advent of digital photography, the technology changes and improves at lightning speed. Fifteen-year-old technology is ancient.

My new camera is making me excited about taking pictures again. All these fantastic new features make taking good photos so much easier.

One thing I’m particularly excited about is macro photography, which means taking photos of tiny things, close up.

The camera and lens I bought is especially suited for this genre. I can fill the screen with a dew drop on a rose petal or a stink bug’s very strange eyes. I’m seeing the world God made from a whole new perspective and am gratefully in awe of His creativity.

One of the things that makes macro photography challenging however is light, or more precisely, the lack of it.

To get a sharp macro photo, I have to “freeze” any movements the bug makes (and they move a lot more than I expected, even when they decide to stand “still”). I also have to freeze the motion caused by a slight breeze on a flower stalk. Or my own inability to hold completely still.

In order to freeze this motion, I have to have a very fast shutter speed, meaning the time that the shutter is open is very brief. I’m talking about milliseconds. I might be able to get a sharp shot in 0.004 seconds, but faster would be better. (For comparison, an average eye blink is around 0.3 seconds.)

Cameras can easily do this. The problem is that with such a short timeframe, not very much light can get into the camera and onto the sensor.

One option is to have the shutter open wider to let in more light during those 4 milliseconds. That is called the aperture. The problem is that the wider the aperture, the narrower the depth of field, so fewer things will be in focus. Imagine taking someone’s portrait, but only the very tip of their nose is in focus instead of their whole face. Big problem.

So, the last option is to add more light. Unfortunately, natural light isn’t always an option. Bugs are the calmest and slowest in the morning when it’s dim and cool. And the colors of flowers get washed out with ugly shadows in harsh, mid-day sunlight.

For this reason, macro photographers tend to use a flash. It solves all the problems. It can add as many microseconds of light as I need exactly where I need them during my 4 milliseconds of exposure. When used properly, I can get a bright, sharp photo of even the twitchiest of bugs on a swaying flower. And I can share the wonder of God’s creation with the world because of my light.

“And they who are wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament, and they who turn many to righteousness shall shine as the stars forever and ever.” (Daniel‬ ‭12‬:‭3,‬ ‭AFV)

Followers of Jesus are supposed to be like the photographer’s flash. We should be out there adding joy, beauty, and clarity in a dark, murky, and confusing world. But we do it by reflecting God’s love. He is the source of all the light.

So shine your light around today. What wonders will we see!

Dear God, thank you so much for this fantastic world you created for us to explore. We will never run out of things to learn, see, and discover. Thank you for the gifts you have given me that allow me to share your beauty in all sorts of ways. Continue to fill me with your light that I can shine into the lives of those who don’t yet know you.

I live in a place that is incredibly hot in the summer. I’m talking about temperatures approaching the hottest recorded temperature on Earth. Because of this, my husband and I make an effort to travel to cooler places. Like snowbirds who leave their wintry realms in the winter, we leave our blast furnace for a few weeks in the summer, if possible.

This year we were gone for nearly the entire month of August. We were fortunate to have some friends who generously allowed us to stay in their home while they traveled for a couple of weeks. Then we rented a small apartment nearby for another couple of weeks.

Although the temperatures were cooler, these places were not my home, and so I was always a bit uncomfortable. I like being home.

For example, in the apartment, we experienced an infestation of ants and termites. The ants battled the termites. It was quite a scene. The owner was very responsive and tried to exterminate the pests, but the problem was ongoing during our stay.

I do not like bugs and was really creeped out by this, but because I knew our stay was temporary, I was able to deal with the bother and mess with grace, and treat the owner with respect, understanding, and kindness.

If this had been my permanent home, I definitely would have been more adamant that a speedy, thorough, and lasting solution be found. My patience would have quickly worn thin. And I may even have had some kind of emotional crisis. (I really don’t like bugs in my home!)

Besides bug infestations, there are a lot of uncomfortable things we experience in this broken world. Hunger, poverty, mental illness, physical illness, selfishness, greed, and scarcity, to name but a few.

Followers of Jesus can be consoled however. Jesus says that we are not living in our permanent home. This is all just temporary. We are guests in a strange land. And as such, we should focus on solving the problems but not being undone by them. Patience, kindness, and understanding come easier when we know there is something better waiting.

“Therefore, if you have been raised together with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is sitting at the right hand of God.” (Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭1,‬ ‭AFV)‬‬

God gives His children the strength to deal with the struggles of living here now. And He promises something better, perfect in fact, to come. Our job during our time here on Earth is to love other people. If we stay focused on Jesus and what He has planned for us, dealing with the difficulties of loving people in a harsh environment comes easier.

Dear God, thank you for your promise of a world made new, made perfect. I look forward to that so much. Until then, teach me how to practice being who I will be in that beautiful future. Remind me that this is not my home. And give me the strength to focus on love, on you, no matter what challenges come my way.

Transparency is good. At least when it comes to leadership, public figures, and politicians.

Executives profess to seek transparency to assure their company’s shareholders and clients. Political candidates offer promises of transparency to get elected. Managers brag about their open-door policy. Transparency makes everyone feel comfortable. Just saying the word puts minds at ease.

Unfortunately, often, that’s all it is. Just a word. Something people promise but don’t follow through with. Why? Because it’s hard. Scary. Dangerous. Humbling. Hindering.

Everyone loves transparency — when it’s other people being transparent.

Transparency for me? No. No way. I deserve privacy. You should be transparent, but not me.

Jesus calls His followers to be transparent with each other. We call it accountability. Our mistakes are to be confessed, brought into the open. Aired out. Our lives and choices, good and bad, are not meant to be secret or hidden.

Jesus’s followers should be like windows. Without curtains. No one-way glass. Just clear see-through windows. In this way, the light of Jesus can shine straight through us into the lives of those living in darkness, the people who really need His love and salvation.

Sure, sin comes along and smudges our glass. We get dim and splotchy. But Jesus promises to wash us clean and sparkly every time we come to Him. So His light can shine through again.

“but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.” (1 John‬ ‭1‬:‭7‬ ‭LSB‬‬)

Unfortunately, many of us Christians have closed our shutters completely. Drawn our drapes. We are hiding secret lives. We profess Jesus outside, but keep our inside deep in shade. We are afraid of confessing, afraid of being judged, afraid or being known for who we really are, for what we have done or are continuing to do.

Jesus’s light can’t shine through that window. That life holds nothing but darkness. It’s time to open up, confess the sin, clean it up, and let the light of love shine in every corner. Only then will you be free, walking in the light.

Dear God, the world is a scary place. It’s hard to be transparent with you and even harder to be transparent with other people. Thank you for providing your church community where you long for us to be honest and open with each other. Teach us how to live transparently in love and forgiveness, without judgment. This is how your kingdom is truly meant to be. Guide us in how to grow communities of real transparency.

Not long ago I recall feeling fortunate not to have anyone close to me die.

At the same time, I recognized the end of that sentence really needed one dreadful word: yet.

Although I was unfamiliar with funerals and the grief that comes with death, I knew there would come a time when all that would change. It is inevitable.

Indeed it did change.

Two days ago, my sister whom I have known my entire life, died.

Yesterday, a friend told me that in the time she’d known me, I had lost three important people in my life. It is true. In the last five years I have lost a sister, my father, and now, another sister. I am all out of sisters.

This is a broken world where death reigns. But although that is the way things work here, it’s not the real end to the story. We have another “yet” coming.

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will no longer exist; grief, crying, and pain will exist no longer, because the previous things have passed away.” (Revelation‬ ‭21‬:‭4‬, ‭HCSB‬‬)

God promises life after death.

And not just any old life — a life with Him, filled with beauty, purpose, and joy. An eternal life without the ugliness we ushered in by choosing sin. Through His sacrifice, Jesus conquered death and wiped away our sin.

Even though death still hurts, it has lost its terrible power. Even though it still brings a mountain of pain, longing, and regret, there is an even sturdier mountain of hope that stands tall.

My pain hasn’t been washed away… yet. And I haven’t seen the end of death… yet. I cling to that yet.

Dear God, thank you for your promise to abolish death and all the pain that comes with it. It brings me great comfort now to hope for the future you are preparing for those who accept your gift of forgiveness and love. Teach me how to live according to that future and help me let go of the past.

My sister has lied to me for over a decade.

My sister is a closet alcoholic with a drinking problem so severe that she has now been diagnosed with end-stage liver failure. Her doctor told me that the only thing that would save her life is a timely liver transplant.

But my sister has never admitted her drinking to me. Not once. In fact, not only has she not admitted to drinking, she has vehemently denied it, and ruthlessly so. She has accused me of hating her and other ugly things when I have attempted to confront her about the evident problem.

And so, for the last decade (plus) we have been estranged. I would reach out to her from time to time with texts and encouraging words. Occasionally, I would hear back from her. (She is actually the one who convinced me to publish these “CamDevos” instead of just sending them to her. And if she’s reading this now, I hope she reads to the end.)

Finally, the event I had been expecting occurred. An event that would force a change in her life. She had a bad fall and ended up in the hospital. And because of that, I now know how grave her situation has become.

I have called the hospital every day for a week to get updates, and the news has gone from bad to worse. Although now she is meeting with a transplant team. So, is there a glimmer of hope? Not just hope for healing and a prolonged life, but reconciliation of our relationship?

Before reconciliation though, there must be forgiveness. I must forgive my sister for all the lies.

“And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.” (Ephesians‬ ‭4‬:‭32‬, ‭HCSB‬‬)

The Bible is full of calls for followers of Jesus to forgive. Whenever I read one of those verses, my sister is the first to come to mind. God tells me to forgive her.

God forgave me. And continues to forgive me. Every day. Even when I don’t feel sorry yet. He values our relationship that much. When I ask for forgiveness, He provides it. Just like that.

And so, that’s what I will do for my sister. For me. In His strength, not my own, but truly and sincerely. And perhaps reconciliation can then begin. I grasp on to that tiny bright gem of hope that my sister and I can once again be… sisters.

Dear God, I don’t deserve Your forgiveness, but thank you for choosing to forgive me anyway. I’m so grateful for it. I want to be like You so, I want to forgive others the way you have forgiven me. Help me to remember Your generous gift of forgiveness, and release my anger towards those who have hurt me.